Meghan H's wiki
I love second life. just call me jordin.
Hi! I am a freshman at the University of Richmond. I run track here and my main events are triple and long jump. I am majoring in psychology because I love working with people, hearing, and helping them out with their problems. My family and friends are the most important part of my life and I believe that's why I love being around people because everyone is someone else's family. I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone to feel loved. I hope you enjoy looking at my profile, learning from me and about me.
Link to My Blog http://meghanconfused.blogspot.com
Link to My Informative Letters http://fall103.pbworks.com/Informative-Letters-about-Second-Life?unlock=true
Link to My Ansel Adams http://fall103.pbworks.com/Ansel-Adams-Siesta-Lake?unlock=true
Link to My Academic Article Analysis http://fall103.pbworks.com/Academic-Article-Analysis
Link to My Final Topic Focus http://fall103.pbworks.com/Project-Topic-Focus
Link to Gender or Race Switch http://fall103.pbworks.com/Race-Switch
Link to My Saving Isis Project http://fall103.pbworks.com/Saving-Isis-Final#view=page
Link to my 3rd and Final Project http://fall103.pbworks.com/Addiction
Link to my Final Project Sources http://fall103.pbworks.com/Final-Project-Sources
Comments (2)
Joe Essid said
at 8:51 pm on Sep 21, 2009
Meghan,
Nice job of using the same facts and changing details to explain a topic to different audiences. There are many sentence-level errors here and I'll address the most pressing ones. I'd like you to have the Writing Consultant and your peer editors suggest where the messages switch to a slightly new topic, so you could divide each description into two paragraphs, each about a specific topic.
I'd also make a new wiki page and move the content there, with a link to it from your main page. I'll review that tomorrow in class.
Some specific sentence-level revisions to consider:
--"The Second Life" Normally, it's just "Second Life" unless you use SL as an adjective, as in "The Second Life virtual currency, the Linden Dollar."
--"Also, there was a creation of a virtual portrait of Vincent Van Goes’ Starry Night! Unless you are living in a virtual world there is no way that this could have been possible." Your mom did not have enough information...it's a 3D version of the painting we could walk through. Otherwise, the claim that follows does not stand up, because I can see the actual painting by going to New York. Of course, if I tried to walk on it or around it, I'd get arrested.
--"Becoming a part of Second-Life is a great tool " your verb, "is," does not do justice to what you are trying to say here. It also lacks clarity, because "becoming" does not equal the "tool." Becoming part of SL, however, might "provide" a great tool.
--"Vincent Van Goes" OUCH, especially in the note to the professor. Check your facts...it's Van Gogh.
chelsea said
at 12:55 am on Dec 3, 2009
Hey I found a story from H+ on Carmen for you..
http://hplusmagazine.com/articles/virtual-reality/virtual-life-actual-death
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